to love a fellow Jew

While in Miami for a conference, i heard one of the local Rabbis ask the famous question on the Mitzva of love your friend like yourself. He asked, tomorrow we shop for Shabbos. Most of us will be concerned about shopping for our families not another person. So where is the Ahavas Yisrae-l? To put it bluntly;it's not healthy to love another like yourself. It leads to confusion and destructive decisions.
Altruism while a sign of goodness needs its' boundaries. If so, asked the Rav then what is the Mitzva? His suggestion was that those things one can do for oneself,are not included in the Mitzva. Only those items where i cannot take care of it myself is there an obligation upon another to help.
That means, just as i would want someone to help me in my time of need , so too should i be proactive and care for the sick , assist the poor, comfort the mourner etc...
However, this interpretation while taken from a Halacha in the Rambam in the laws of mourning,
is not consistent with the context of the Mitzva. For I don't need to love the other person in order to perform these Mitzvot ! Furthermore ,the translation of love your fellow when he can't help himself is totally missing from the verse.
The Rambam in the 6th Chapter of the laws of Ethical Principles, called Deyot, states that there is a Mitzva to love a fellow like yourself. However, Rambam quantifies it too loving the similar too but not equal to yourself. That is that just as you want your reputation and property protected,so too must you speak in goo dregard of your friend and be careful with his property as if it were your own!
Chassidic Doctrine has the Mitzvah to be taken literally. How is this possible? When you come to appreciate your essence which is your neshama, then you can realize that as far as G-d is concerned all of Israe-l are the same essential soul in many different bodies. It is only the flesh not the spirit that separates us . Thus we can love each other like ourselves because we are all really one entity. However, there are priorities with regard to whom we care for. Our families come first, then our relatives and citizens of our community.
This is only with regard to prioritizing basic needs. However, if someone needs food to live on or heat during the cold,these take preference to our families' luxuries or pleasures.For if we are one, then we must care for one another as one!