and nothing but the truth

Today i was confronted by a friend of mine asking about the commandment to kill all the males of Midian while sparing only the very young girls. Then he switched the subject to divorce and the unfair abuse of women inherent in the system.
These are two examples of items that disturb most fair minded people. There is no real answer that will satisfy a modern liberal minded person and certainly not a feminist .So how can i really answer this question without sounding hateful,sexist and abusive?
the answer is that we just don't know what were the circumstances in those times. An example:
Suppose you could go back in time and become the midwife who helped deliver Adolf Hitler, would you today have any remorse about taking his life even though he is newborn?
If you truly knew what was to happen later you would have gladly given yourself up to the authorities in order to save millions of others. If, and i believe they were , these directives to annihilate a certain population came from G-D, then there would be no question of violence or immorality.
The same goes for the the relationship of men with women. Like it or not women are dominated by their men . In this reality the Torah gives women a voice,albeit not the same as that of the man.
This inequality has a way of being balanced within the Jewish household system to the point where most Jewish men are dominated by their spouses. In a society where divorce is rare and people are cared for, the net result is a greater reverence for women rather than abuse. However this must be seen in the context of the family and the various Mitzvos involved in the family structure.
Those who live outside the structure of Jewish family life find that all of the movements for women's rights have not improved the quality of life or families better. Those who chose the route of returning to Jewish roots found a healthier respect for the woman and her role in the family and society.