love examined

The whole point of the Mishneh with regards to love is elusive. Beyond stating the obvious what is the Tanna teaching us? Let us begin the query with the question is love a good or evil thing? Perhaps it's neither ,only that it is necessary.
A position one could take is that life is for pleasure and all pleasures that come my way i will enjoy to the limits of my tolerance. An opposite position can be made that desire never amounts to love and that desire fulfilled is dangerous as a value and ultimately unfulfilled. People who manipulate others will in the end be hated for it by the very people one takes advantage of. Thus a person pursuing his or her heart's desires will never know love . For love requires more than passion. In fact , those espousing the opposite position would incline to say that human sexuality is an evil that possesses the man and brings him to purgatory. The only true remedy would be abstinence.
Although very few people would follow this route, many are inclined to agree that this is the most
G-Dly route. These are the Christians in the world who honor the priests and nuns who remain celibate .
The Torah is the ultimate wisdom of G-D . In our Torah you find that love is a virtue . For Yitzchok loved Rivka and Yakov loved Rochel . Had this not been a virtue , the Torah would not have wasted time saying it .
Therefore it behooves us to learn what love the Torah wants us to find in our mate. The Torah does not say to discount one's likes and dislikes. Rather , the Mishneh tells us that if your entire relationship with your wife is based upon attraction , then it is doomed to die . In fact , it may not survive one day. Only by pursuing a relationship with your spouse that parallels the love that King David found in Jonathan, will the love last.
The question is ,how this is accomplished ? One position would be that since the physical is limited to a desire that is necessary for family harmony only ,that the relationship focus on matters outside of the physical. That is to enjoy a common spirit and common endeavors . Spending time with your spouse should be focused on spiritual or Torah ideas. In other words the love is discovered elsewhere in your expanded relationship not in the physical that is doomed to evaporate.
Anothe approach is that our connection as husband and wife brings the greatest of blessings-children,physical ones and spiritual ones that somehow, the physical is sanctified by an overriding higher purpose. This means that the physical brings oneself to a higher level then had the parties been alone to fend by themselves.
The Chassidic approach is that a husband and wife that are true soulmates share a common soul. In other words , they are one soul in two bodies . Within the relationship as defined bt the Torah,
one must try to find the common ideals that provide a basis for experiencing this unity .At that time we can understand the meaning that Yitzcho loved Rivka . After seeing that Rivka was just like his mother , in her actions, in her values , in her modesty, it was then that Yitzchok realized a love that eclipsed that of his mother Sarah and his father Avrohom for him.
When body and soul are in harmony, much of our journey has been accomplished. The rest is commentary!

GOOD SHABBOS!